There’s a version of me I want to rise into, the woman God created me to be. She’s disciplined, grounded, clear-eyed, faithful.

I know she’s real. I know I can become her.

But some nights, she feels so far away. I’m in bed scrolling endlessly, my kids are bickering in the background, and I don’t even have the strength to step in. The courses I started are half-finished. My dreams? Paused mid-sentence. And I whisper to myself: how do I hold on to God when my faith feels heavy?

I want to grow spiritually. I want to pray with consistency. But if I’m honest, motherhood feels messy, and my faith journey often feels like fog instead of fire.

And yet, even in the fog- I hear Him. Whispering. Calling. Reminding me that I don’t have to climb the mountain of faith all at once.

Maybe this is what Christian discipline really looks like, not perfection, not having it all together, but choosing to hold on to God when everything in me wants to let go.

So tonight, I’m not becoming her all at once. I’m becoming her slowly, faithfully, step by step. And maybe that’s enough.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in your spiritual journey, know this: God is still with you.

And becoming the woman He created you to be doesn’t happen overnight, it happens in the holding on.