A child’s artwork or premature knowledge of sexual terms may act as clues to their sexual experiences. They may also tip you off to someone who has been introducing inappropriate television programs or magazines to your child.12) Know the patterns of a perpetrator: Many abusers begin by giving their potential victims unique privileges, gentle touch, or special gifts. This creates a sense of affection, making the victim feel set apart or special. As stated before, it also desensitize them to further advances. Ask your children to tell you if they receive special gifts or attention. 13) “I believe you”: This is a crucial message to communicate. Imagine, for example, that your son or daughter is in a conflict, and you find another adult chastening your child. Rather than asking for the child’s version of the story, you proceed to punish her. Now imagine that your child did nothing wrong in that situation and was mistakenly accused. Your child thinks, If they believed another adult when I didn’t do anything wrong, what will happen when I think something is wrong? What if it was my fault that this person touched me––or what if I misunderstood what just happened?
Children are far from innocent, and they often try to manipulate us. But they also must feel they will be heard and trusted. Early in life you can try to instill honesty and accuracy in their speech in the smallest communication, so that when it matters, the relationship is there. They can be trusted to tell the truth and you can be trusted to listen.14) “You can believe me.” Jesus describes Himself as Truth (John 14:6) and Satan as the father of lies. Even simple, understandable, truthful explanations about the world establish a relationship of trust. When your children ask questions about sex, for example, do you pretend you don’t know what they’re talking about? Or, do you communicate that this is an embarrassing topic? If authenticity is the policy, your children will feel more comfortable approaching you sooner should abuse take place. If you can’t talk about sex without looking ashamed or evasive, you can’t expect children to feel comfortable approaching you about questionable sexual activity.