It may be a long read but I am promising, it is worth it.

No matter what we say, amid those beautiful smiles, those laughable eyes and gorgeous looks we all have a past, a story told or untold, a hurt healed or not healed, words said or unsaid. There is something about the past that makes us feel vulnerable especially when shared, some we have moved on from, some that left a scar and some that we do not want to think of or even talk about.


Sadly the past has defined most of us and now we are too careful with life, we do not want to love because of fear of getting hurt, we do not want to venture into another business because of fear of failure, sometimes we even change from being a very bubbly and confident person to a shy, reserved and fearful person.

When it comes to hurt, disappointment and heartbreak, the past sometimes gets to mould us, we stop caring, suspecting every boy or girl to be a traitor out there to hurt you, take advantage of you, so we put up a front (been there before). I went through a relationship that was so bad, full of lies that the guy even lied about what the mother did, though he knew I would meet her, heck, he even sent me to meet her (what will a girl not go through for a man?). See me at my best behaviour and excited when I was to meet his mum, I even gave her a cake as it was her birthday. When I got to the office there was a lot of protocol, they asked who I needed to see, I told them who and the position she held and they told me it was a different person (see me see local trouble), she had to come to the gate to let me in, when she got there after pleasantries ( my knees almost touching the ground of course, to show I was well brought up) she said ” Obehi, I don’t hold that position” I was shocked but chose to blame myself that I did not hear well (Don’t we always do that?) and trust my man…We most times shutdown our better judgment.
Well, this went on for a long time until he roped himself in his lies and that was when it clicked that I had to leave, it took two more relationships for me to know that I had not confronted the past, the second being MrPossible (Gosh! I questioned that guy sha!) He would say something and I will not just believe because I was like all these guys you cannot totally trust them, the worst was when I told him I had not heard from him all day and he said, “I have been pinging you all day, it just wasn’t delivering”, I told him, ‘inasmuch as I would love to believe that, I am sorry I do not believe you’, he want trying to explain, I said ‘It’s okay, I just thought I should tell you exactly how I feel ‘ (please don’t say I was paranoid, maybe I was sef…You will be amazed what an untrusting relationship can do to you). When we hung up, I got a munched up screen from him, with the chats he sent, the time it was sent and the not delivery sign, I felt so bad and quickly apologised, told him the story of my past and how I would work on myself. Some of us will not be so lucky and based on our past we would drive a good boy away, stealing a line from Joyce Meyer ” There are reasons why you are the way you are but you cannot let them to be an excuse to stay that way” the truth is this, if we ever want to move forward, to enjoy the future and be at our very best, then we must confront the past! How do I confront the past? someone might ask… I would give you some ways you can.

Agree you have not confronted the past:
There is no need acting tough guy or girl by telling friends “No o, I am so over him/her” Even if you act all tough, you might like to confide in someone, how bad it still hurts and admit to yourself also…A problem known is half solved right?

Give it time:

There is a saying that everything gets better in time, why there is no particular time frame, sometimes you might just need time to deal with the issue, it could be from 1 week to years.. I can remember when a friend hurt me in 2010 or so, I forgave her but the hurt would not even go, I could not get myself to trust her, I felt betrayed and everything bad…we talked about it and tried to move past it and of course you can imagine it affected our friendship, it took three years for us to get back to where we used to be.








Talk, talk, talk and talk about it some more-
There are some hurts you go through that you would have to talk about, not once, not twice but you talk about it to the person that hurt you till you feel okay, you will be lucky, if you find the person listening and not shutting you out or complaining on how long you have talked about the issue ( I said talk not nag o) Also know that this talk most times is done if you are willing to patch things up with the person but sometimes you just want the person to agree that they were wrong( I don’t know why but it kind of gives you a sense of relief/ closure). It is also important to note that the opportunity to talk to the particular person that hurt you, will not always present itself, so you could talk to a close friend, counsellor and someone you can trust.








Write it down:
I guess it is called a reflection, I have one of those and I believe it helps a lot, because it helped me, you could write about the person, what they did to you, how hurt you felt, the lessons you learnt and moving forward what you would do differently….There is also this other one where you write a letter to the person venting all the anger and everything on your mind but you don’t send it (hmm…I am afraid of that one, I or someone could send it mistakenly or maybe even a crazy friend sends it on your behalf, you know that friend that takes your matter very personal….) Well I heard it works very well.

Pray about it:

Prayer is so important when it comes to matters of the heart, you will be amazed how much interest God has when it comes to your heart being intact“if He could care about the sparrow, He definately has you in mind”. I can remember after secondary school, I was heartbroken by a friend( lol! we called ourselves friends but who were we kidding? we had “strong!!!!!!!” feelings for each other or maybe it was just me that had the strong feelings…hahahaha) I remember one day in my room, telling God, ” Please God, I don’t want to feel this pain anymore and help me forgive him ) and it got better from then on, when the boy finally came to ask for a relationship, I could refuse without too much stress but small stress sha….

Forgive yourself and forgive the person:
I learnt this the hard way, you cannot move on until you forgive yourself or forgive the person who hurt you…I can take the blame for anything and really beat myself up, You may even be the one at fault but I will blame myself ” maybe it was something I did that made that person treat me that way” but I have learnt through great friends and MrPossible that it isn’t always my fault and when it is my fault, I should admit and move on, not holding myself to ransom ,also if there is the opportunity to apologise to the person you hurt, don’t allow your pride get in the way, just apologise, It might bring a closure…
If you were at fault forgive yourself and above all forgive the person because unforgiveness is like allowing someone live rent free in your head and mind…So forgive and move on.


These are the ways I have confronted my past and it worked for me, I hope it helps you too and while you are at it , remember to be joyful and choose to be happy because life is beautiful and its worth living beautifully!

Feel free to share how you confronted your past or handled your hurt so we can learn from it..

bride2mom