I stumbled on this series on DSTV called ‘a million little things’ and it got me thinking, Let me tell you the story first before I share my thoughts. It was about  four friends and it opened with one of them killing himself and while they were breaking the news, another friend was so close to also killing himself but for the call of his friends to tell him their friend was dead by suicide, so he couldn’t go through with it… That means two friends would have died that day. What caught my attention  about the dead friend was that this guy was often the happiest, the one who checked up on everyone,  the one who had the biggest laugh, the one who seem to have everything together and was the nicest, you know that friend you can always count on, that was John, so how does John kill himself and no one ever saw it coming and the whole time they were friends Most times we are friends with someone, we love them and we think we have good relationship with them but we really don’t know them, they can gist with you, love you, hang out with you but cannot talk deep with you or cry with you but when you hear some thing about them, you quickly go “why couldn’t you talk to me, why couldn’t they do this, Oh i spoke with her just yesterday, I have seen stuff like this on various suicidal cases. I have learnt the name tag is all we have; best friend, boo, bae but it all surface. No deep conversations, no nothing, Most times it is even easier to share your hurt with a total stranger. Can you share your deepest thought with your friend or you don’t want her to see you weak, can they also share with you without them being afraid that you would judge them, do you rush their fears aside when shared under the guise of weakness or joke? Are you really a friend or you are just one of those tags? If I share with you, can i trust that you are you even listening??? Most times when we sit down to talk to a friend, we share but they don’t hear us because they are just waiting for you to be done so you can listen to them too and at the end both of you have shared burdens but no one has really listened or have we just overgrown the friendship but bear the tags? Are we truly friends I lost a friend some years ago who was into substance abuse, we had been friends for over 10 years, we talked about loads of stuff, I never knew he had issues, he was the life of the party, the one who goes out of his way to make people smile and laugh, the one that would listen to you  and until he died and things started coming out, I realised i did not know my friend even though we had years of friendship under our belts . I have had my highs and lows and I can assure you, most of my friends do not know, not because  they are bad friends but just life got in the way, maybe i have shared but it wasn’t even listened to or it was clouded with their own issues…we are all guilty and we need to work on being better friends, we need to be PRESENT in our friendships Even in relationships with couples, when last did you ask your spouse how his day was and was present throughout the conversation or were you just waiting to share yours. Be Present. Today I want to sincerely  say I am sorry, if as your friend I have not really been there for you and ask you my dear friend, How Are You? I mean How are you really doing? Share this to all your friends and you would be surprised the conversations this would spark.
bride2mom