Good evening, my name is xxxxx, I just graduated from the university and I am 23yrs old. I have been in a relationship with this guy since my 100L. He’s a great guy, nice, caring and everything a girl would wish for. He was broke when we started dating and I practically footed all his bills but I thank God that things have picked up a bit for him now.
Because I needed to make ends meet, I started having sugar daddies to foot some of our bills but he doesn’t know . We had an issue and he slapped me. Well, after we settled, he promised he wouldn’t do it again but he hit me again. He is a former cultist and he has told me about some of the things he did in the past and I got really worried. I asked him if he doesn’t he think all the things he did in the past would catch up with him? He told me that nothing like that would happen. But someone told me that there’s nothing like “former cultist” that once u become a cultist, u r a cultist for life.
Anyway to cut the story short, we broke up and we made up again. But for me things have not been OK. I can’t tell him I miss him, I can’t tell him I love him and I don’t like it when he touches me or tries to kiss me.
And now, there’s another guy asking me out and I really like him a lot but I am scared that the things happening with my present boyfriend would happen between the new guy and me. Please advice me.. Thank u.
P.s The new guy asking me out is my mate, we graduated together but my old boyfriend is still in school.
REMEMBER GUYS, WE ADVICE NOT JUDGE BUT TELL THE TRUTH…
Dear anonymous, it is a good thing you know you deserve better than that. Just reading through your story, I see that you have made some choices that are detrimental to you. I do not know your reasons for making those choices but footing a guy’s bills who is not your child or husband is not right. What happened to his family? Why couldn’t they step in for him? And you put yourself at risk by having sugar daddies. You could contact any STD from doing that, also actions like this affect a person’s sense of self worth, value and also causes shame. Also, this guy you chose was a cultist. I know he said him being a cultist is a thing in his past but for you to be suspecting that he still is shows that he displays behaviour that indicates that he might be. I believe you need to first do a self search and work on yourself before seeking to go into any other relationship. With the choices you have made in the past, one cannot be certain that this new guy you are considering is even good for you. I’m not trying to judge or condemn you and I hope this does not come across as such. You need to know your value and worth and love yourself. You deserve much better than all of this. You deserve a man that would genuinely love and protect you. Will not take your money but will seek to be there and provide for you (not so you he can have sex with you but because he finds joy in making you happy). You can get this and even more but if you do not work on yourself you will keep choosing men that treat you badly and are with you because of what they can get from you.
My advice to you is that you should not choose anyone at this point in time. I don’t know the sort of relationship you have with God but God loves you dearly and it’s only by understanding the love of God that you can learn to love yourself which will then enable you make the right choices. I will say a prayer for you. Pray about your situation and ask God to reveal His love to you. It’s the best thing anyone can ever understand. I hope you find this helpful xxx
Gbam!
I couldn’t have said it better.
Darling, this first advice is a summary of all you need. And good for you that it was very well coated with honey, so I’ve decided not to change the tone.
To add a little to that. Please my dear, you were not made for a man, but for a generation. You’ve got people who would die if you don’t live your life to affect them. And for that, God has so equipped you and placed beautiful things and days ahead of you. He said His plans for you are good, not evil to bring you to an expected end. Jer. 29:11. I guess you should make no move for any relationship with any human, but with God and get drunk with His love and will for you. Then you will live life better and be sure of what to expect from life and any kind of relationship.
hmm. serious one. I think what you felt for your first guy has gone out the door and not likely to return. In my opinion you should move on from him. You guys are not even married and he is already practicing slapping with you face. trust me, there is a 99 percent chance he will beat you more later. so if you want to protect your self, RUN. For the other guy, take your time to be casual friends first. It will help you heal from the first abuse relationship and you can gradually lose your suspicion except he gives you a reason to. In summary, leave guy 1 and take time to know guy 2 before any form of commitment.
Any man that beats a woman is a beast. Except he gives his heart to Christ he’ll continue to be a beast. I don’t know if you would want to live with a beast for the rest of your life. You made a mistake once, don’t do it twice. Leave him and burn your bridges. He doesn’t love you, he’s just using you as a benefactor.
I won’t advise you jump into any relationship. Takeout time to detox, work on your self exteem, write out your goals and d great plans you have for the future, and take action on them. Most likely importantly, seek God and make Him the Lord of your life. He alone guarantees true happiness.
I feel that you should start fresh, with the new guy who is asking you out. If it was me I wouldn’t put up with someone that hits me repeatedly. He needs to learn to control himself no matter what happens and you shouldn’t be his boxing bag. You shouldn’t be afraid that the same things might happen again because he is a different person and you must not allow him to treat you the way your old boyfriend did.