So Yesterday, I told people to ask questions as relationship and marriage counselling is something I love to do, If you missed the post, then click here, just know it is not too late to ask, here is the first question< I would give my Piece and I would advice commenter to give theirs too. Dear Obee, My question is around spouses fulfilling their conjugal duties to each other, sex to be precise. I’ve been married for 4yrs now, before we had our child, love making was good, really good! It happens anytime any of us wants it, it can be spontaneous and we can make love 7days a week…lol. Even wen she was very close to delivery we were still getting down. however, after we had our child, I realised that love making has become more like a chore, my wife no longer shows interest, sometimes we go 2weeks to a month without it and when I bring it up, she complains about me being insensitive based on the fact that there’s an addition to the family. I’m learning not to ask anymore, and I just channel my attention to other things when the feelings come up. But I’m afraid that when she finally comes around, I might have moved on. She thinks so strongly that I cannot cheat on her but she doesn’t realise that she’s making me vulnerable. Please advise. My AdviceHi , I admre you for writing this in all honesty and from what I read, you love your wife but you feel a bit scorned.In my opinion, I don’t blame you for wanting things to be the same after the birth of a child, there is no man that don’t want that, especially sexually; but the truth is this, as a lady when you give birth, a lot changes, emotionally, physically and psychologically especially after the first child, we almost don’t know our bodies and take time to learn about it, there is also a strong force of overwhelm, being fist time mum is exhausting! We try to multitask to make everything okay yet things just seem scattered and sincerely when we are trying to handle things to be the same as it use to be, sex is the last thing on our minds and we want the men to understand, forgetting that the man is a feeler not a thinker, he wants to hold something, he wants things to be the same, he has not forgotten that you had a baby but he sincerely cannot understand what is going on in your head, your mind or even down there…if you know what I meanTo guys sex is first physical then emotional but to us it is first emotional then physical,we want just cuddles sometimes. With my first baby, I experienced this thing your wife went through, it was not easy but my advice is for you to talk to your wife about it, tell her exactly how you feel then try help her out from what she is going through, just out of the blues send her a message appreciating her for the work she has done with putting the home together, juggling you and new baby and how super she is at it. Those things she doesn’t think you notice, show her you do, she may not feel as sexy as before, let her know she is sexy no matter what, if you have family, , you guys can have the person hold your baby while you go for a quick dinner, cuddle up on the sofa at home and just watch a movie together. Build your way back; help out with the child randomly, like maybe she is tired and the child has been crying all day, just grab the child and tell her to go rest, instead of her preparing dinner after a long hard day, once in a while just buy take-out on your way home and ask her not to cook, gist about your ‘sexcapade’; the funny, the awkward and the great moment, do some sweet stuff and sex would flow mehn!Don’t learn not to ask anymore, find new ways to ask (as discussed above,) she is going through a phase but if you do all this, soon you would get your ‘seven times a week girl’ but not immediately, it could be once in a week and increase as you guys go on, just be there when it shows up. As for her thinking you can never cheat, it is because she trust you too much to even think of such….it is a good thing.I hope this helped a little, try it and I am open to feedback, this is my advice, I hope the commenters have more to say.
