Sometimes we get that relationship we pretty much feel is heaven sent and all of a sudden we want to make it work spiritually, physically, emotionally, financially etc. Then before the relationship even kicks off, we have sowed seed on the person, telling God to keep them from others…

Many of us have so much love to give so at the first glimpse of a lovely act performed by our partner, we just start giving everything like we were beaten by the bug of giving or a faulty ATM machine with a lot of money to give, we keep spitting all the gifts we can ever give till we are drained.

I have decided to tell you guys some things to hold back on in a relationship and I hope it helps.

Never co-own-  I know the love is ‘sweet’ and it is ‘catching’ both of you but don’t co-own cars, bank accounts, houses, investments, businesses etc, if you like co-own a dog, I don’t mind. This must have worked for certain people but may not work for you, if relationship gets sour, apart from having to deal with your broken heart and all the mess that may comes with that, you now deal with sharing the investments into equal half and someone may end up being cheated, at the end you  have practiced divorce before marriage, in a relationship that would have just ended with everyone picking up their bags and taking a walk. And guess who becomes emotionally drained? You!!!!

Gifts (Love your neighbour as yourself)– When it comes to gifts, respond amicably… Let me explain o, I am not saying if you partner buys you toothbrush of 50 naira, you do same value… I learnt a lesson in my relationship with Mrpossible , a lesson I wished I had learnt earlier in life, as ladies most of us have too much love to give and at the hint of a very great guy, we just lose it financially and otherwise, you sincerely can’t put a price on love but sometimes as a lady give it time before you suffocate the guy with gifts… While I was dating Mrpossible, he was doing all this incredible things and I felt at some point that my previous gift had to beat the next gift and I wanted to blow his mind as he had done mine, I decided to get him a Macbook for his birthday… Hehehe, and of course I was going to get the bestest of them all… And then it was gonna cost me about 1500 pounds I think or 1000 pounds, I had the money as a student from my savings, ask me what brand of laptop I was using, Hp! , shey the bible said love your neighbour as yourself? I clearly loved my neighbour more than myself… So just before his birthday, I knew he needed a laptop, but I was stylishly asking him what he thinks about it and the brand I wanted to get, under the pretense that it was a friend that was going to buy it, after asking all the details and feeling fully harmed knowing what my man wants, I was ready to give him the shock of his life or do I say surprise , well I guess a surprise that would have put us in an awkward situation for a very long time… One day the boy just called me and said ” babe , I have just been processing this macbook your friend wants to get for her boyfriend” I was like okay, thinking he wanted to tell me something that will even giver a better clue of what he wants and then he said ” please ( amidst some kind of laughter) if by any chance , I am that boyfriend , then don’t buy me a laptop you hear?” First I could not believe my ear, we pride ourselves in pranking aka surprising each other without the other person having a clue, so this boy has caught me, though I tried to deny, he finally broke me and the next thing he said called me to my senses” I am the guy, allow me spoil you silly , there are some gifts you shouldn’t buy for me now(ouch!) I know it is coming from a good place and I appreciate, inshort I already feel like I have got it but don’t buy it for me okay? Let me take care of you, I would be surprised but later I won’t be happy that you had to spend that much on me….” Trust me , it was longer than that and I guess after the sermon he preached , I almost paid tithe and offering, well that was a paradigm shift and that ended a pattern I was use to for years. All I am saying to the ladies especially is don’t buy a gift that cost you so much or that will make your account deflate like a balloon that has just been punctured with a pin. Sometimes the gifts we give may not be a ring but as symbolic as a ring therefore putting the guy under some sort of pressure like ” I better treat her nice , I better marry her, I better bla bla bla because she’s invested a lot in my life some of these guys friends even go as far as calling you the “laptop girl” in secret.

Don’t share family ‘secrets’: I know you and your boyfriend are 5&6 and he is your BFF but abeg if you so have to share family secret, wait till you are married, don’t go telling him how your sisters hubby does this, your brother this , your that bla bla bla, you are not one yet and you want to act as one, okay oh, it’s when relationship ends, you will know you guys are really two, by then your family secret is with yet another boyfriend. it may even affect the way your partner sees you especially if immature. A guy once told me while he was dating his girlfriend, “I cannot marry her, she has told me how troublesome her mum is” and he went on and on about her family.

The same way, you like putting your good foot forward, put your family’s as well and leave him to figure out the rest himself. He’s your boyfriend not your shrink.

Don’t own his things; It’s our house, our bed, our fridge, my kitchen… It is not for both of you mbok! It is for him or for you, which one are you marking territory…I remember reading an article where a girl said ” I closed from work early so I decided to go visit  my boyfriend after buying foodstuff from the market to cook his favourite  dish, as soon as I opened the door and walked into the room, I saw him with his neighbour on OUR bed”. Well It wasn’t “OUR” bed, its his bed!

Please don’t decorate: Abeg I fear decoration of a boyfriends house, you can assist him, if he needs it, don’t give him the idea then make a budget and finally execute it… Please dear friends, I have seen many many many girls that have decorated a house for another woman, if his house lacks a feminine touch then give it time, when you are married and move in then the feminine touch would be popping! Abeg ehn, just don’t do it, before your husbands house and ex boyfriends house will almost have the same vibe. I visited a friend’s house that was just renovated, he showed us all the rooms and the decor, every room had a theme, he proudly told us the decor, colours and everything was chosen by his girlfriend…If I was that girl, I would be an Interior designer after that, the  work was amazing, you need to see the kitchen and guess what? After some months they broke up, after that kind of project? It is well o!

All I am trying to say is this, no matter how nice a relationship is, it may still not work out, even engagements are called off.. So until it’s permanent, let’s leave some things temporary.

You can share other ways to a happy relationship, this is just my opinion so what is yours?