Have you ever been in a relationship with this guy, nice, caring, loving, perfect gentle man, better than every other one you have dated but yet you don’t just feel him, there is no connection, you try to work hard to love him and the more you try, the more it stresses you out as love and commitment becomes work?… Your family loves him and your friends think you are so lucky but there is just this piece of puzzle that don’t seem to add up, you start asking yourself if anything is wrong with you? and when you try to tell your friends or family they go out on you saying ” what are you doing?, so you don’t like good things eh?, you want to throw this boy that has come to redeem you? what are you looking for in life? you will regret this decision!”. After a conversation like that, you still try and you are not feeling it, should you marry him because he’s good to you or should you move on?
There are two kinds of great guys you might meet in life, there is “A Great Guy” (not for you) and “The Great guy”(made for you), you see both of them are good and fits the ideal man but one is for you while the other is not, people may not understand why you cannot make it work with “A Great Guy” and everybody may think you have made a mistake when you leave him, but you know you feel unsettled in your heart… just know you are right to move on from that relationship, not every great guy is great for you but when you meet “The great guy”, all those doubts would go away.
“A great guy” versus “The great guy”
- They are both ideal men but one is great for you while the other isn’t
- With a great guy, you try hard to love him, with the great guy, love is not an issue with him
- You may think you are not worth a great guy’s love because you don’t love him back and you pity him… You love the great guy and he loves you back and you guys may even be wondering who loves each other more
- You walk around egg shell with a great guy and may not be free to be yourself but with the great guy, you are at ease, you enjoy every moment and things are just fluid with you guys
- You would totally enjoy and look forward to hanging out and communicating with “the great guy” but most times hanging out with “a great guy” is like a chore
I am not saying that every guy you are free with, that fits into the characteristics of “the great guy” is your husband o, I am just saying if you are with “a great guy” and you don’t understand why you can’t connect with him, then he may not be the one.
Why you shouldn’t Marry a great guy
If you listen to everybody and still marry “a great guy” that you almost have no connection with aka “you are not feeling” you would most likely be
- Frustrated
- Unfulfilled
- Angered easily or bitter
- Most likely regret it
- Bored out of your mind
- Resent the people that advised you to marry him
- Struggle to submit
- May not have a fulfilled sex life
If you marry “the great guy”
- Fulfilled and this will lead to being the best you can be
- Happy
- Enjoy almost every moment
- Connection is magical
- You will definitely get angry with him sometimes but hardly bitter
- You will not struggle to submit and other things
- Most likely have a fulfilled sex life
All I am trying to say, don’t get it twisted, for the fact he is a great guy and fits the picture of the ideal man doesn’t mean he is for you, therefore another girl “a great guy” could be “the great guy” for another girl.
On questions, advice and anything bothering you email: bride2mom@gmail.com
Great article, hits the nail squarely on the head. I’m yet to come across a guy that settled for or married someone he isn’t attracted to or feel a deep connection with. But women do it all the time and end up with someone they are only tolerating and end up unhappy.
Madam Obehi am thinking you know me personally cos this article is all about me. He is a great guy but not just the great guy. Wish my family and friends can see from this angle. He luvs me no doubt, but am not just feeling the connection, God knows have tried and tried. I blame myself in a way cos I should have broken away from him before now but was too scared if I will ever get someone to take all my excesses., and I was also scared of how he will feel. But now I know better and am not being pitiful anymore. Jesus pls help your daughter! Am tired….
loll @ Me, I feel what you are going through and yeah, you would have to move on dear, they don’t need to understand, as long as you feel peace when you leave him…You deserve better dear!
Great post. I referenced this on my blog, I listed you/your blog as the source. This post has given me new clarity. Thanks.
That’s fine Thelma. Thanks for the compliment as well.
If you don’t love him then you should not be together. If you don’t feel the love effortlessly, why try to force it? If you can’t imagine spending the rest of your life with him how will you actually do it? I think we all have our own great man/woman that shows up at some point: it’s how we feel about that person that’s important. I am in love with my special woman and couldn’t imagine life without her.